Your last Friend

When you drink to be with your best friend, who is shaming you, blaming you, numbing you and robbing your memories, you have descended deep into self pity and a distorted view of the world. And the only thing that seems to help is to pour your next glass of poison down your throat. You are so wrong and so defeated that you want to hide. You want to make the day disappear, the thinking to stop, your friends to go away. You want to be alone.

Your guilt, your shame and your hours of clearish thoughts haunts you. You remember things that shouldn’t have happened, things you shouldn't have said or things you didn’t do. You can hear the mumbling words from someone you thought would care, or the clearer words from someone that wants you to suffer. Using words like drunk, alcoholic or mentally ill. Maybe a shake of a head in disapproval, a sad look of pity or a degrading call to the police so they can strap you to a bed overnight.

We are many, and the fight is real. So many stories of losses and sadness. There is no excuse for what I have been doing to myself or my closest friends. I don’t think there are many that would set out to lose your self worth, become addicted to alcohol and lose their way in life. But this is exactly what someone believes, and that it’s just to snap out of it. This is one of the most devastating beliefs out there, it has haunted me and made me feel little, weak and worthless.