The little acts

The little act that set us off. I think I have always been super sensitive to my own emotions. And not knowing how to talk about them, or in general how to process them, has been problematic for me. The way I have used to deal with it has changed over the years, as a young boy I would cry and be sad. And it would stay with me until the next morning, where I had a fresh start, yesterday's problems gone with the night.

The unpleasant feeling of sitting with something not resolved, will take its toll. Having strong opinions and no outlet is another way of brewing resentment and disappointment. How I have ended up with this issue is still a bit of a mystery. I have identified one key thing that I think is relevant. I don’t ask to have my needs met. While being with my x-wife, who was very entitled and definitely knew how to get things her way, I became even more subdued and even less willing to say yes to things, or good forbids, to ask for anything.

My best known technique from most challenges is to withdraw into myself, and to avoid the situation. And sadly, over the years I started to turn to alcohol as a pain relief. This is self medication, and was the best I thought I could do at the moment. Either as a relief, or as self harm. Alcohol is the substance that kills most people on this planet, and it is an addictive drug.